Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
