she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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