turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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