I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
