Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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