What a fucking waste of an outfit
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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