So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
