dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
