gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
