I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
