there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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