I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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