what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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