I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
