We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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