How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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