Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
