Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
They are going to name an STD after you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
