Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
