Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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