ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
