i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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