Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
