Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
