Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i think my cat just said my name.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
