so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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