ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
