There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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