How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
