Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
