the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
