he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
