no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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