I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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