u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
birth control should be required to get into college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
