got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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