textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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