my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
