Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
