I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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