just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
