We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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