I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
