dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
