I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
