I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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