Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
