Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
