I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
