the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
