Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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