So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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