covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
smell my finger.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
