lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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