theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
