afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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