I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
