FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
