it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
