I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
