You're my little dorito
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you win again, gameday.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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