I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
