Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
