they need to just BURY HIM!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
