I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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