Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
