its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
