i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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