stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
