is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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