I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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