I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
